Not resisting

The question yesterday was how to deal with your own mind. How to alter your thoughts to something better. Today's musings are about how to help someone else do it. I have a twelve year old daughter. Yesterday was not a good day for her. Without getting into details, let's just say that she came home in a foul mood. When it was time to do homework, this mood had not abated. The homework intensified the frustration and anger she felt. So as a parent, I know that getting the homework done is important. I have also learned that suppressing emotions is generally not a good thing. Sometimes you have to hold them in until you're in a safe place to let them out, but bottling them up indefinitely is something I believe is very unhealthy. My first instinct was to tell her to buckle down and get it done, which is what I did. Git 'er done, put your nose to the grindstone, stiff upper lip and all that stuff. How successful do you think I was? Well, I'll tell you. Not very. We argued. I pushed her to stuff it down and work, and she pushed back. The big emotions she was feeling needed to come out. It was not a pretty sight. Then I had a moment of inspiration. I set the timer on the microwave for one minute and told her to go downstairs and beat up the punching bag until the timer went off. She spent at least five minutes beating the stuffing out of that bag, but when she was finished, she apologized for her behaviour and the homework was done in about two minutes with no tears, no anger, no power struggles. The lesson here? By allowing her to have her feelings and making home that safe place to express them, she was able to move through them and then move on. I wish I could say that I am certain I will do the same every time I am faced with a similar situation, or that I'm confident that I will always catch myself feeding my side of a power struggle. I'm sure I won't. I think the lesson here, for me, was in not resisting. By letting the feelings just be and moving through them, their power was greatly diminished. Now where else can I apply this? I think that's a blog for another day!